TEST, 'CAUSE WE'RE THE BEST!

 

This is the single worst portrait sculpture that I've ever seen in my life, and I've seen some doozies. I mean...just LOOK at this thing! It's crazy looking! And I just saw it on display at Heinz Hall tonight. You know, some wealthy-ass donor spent LOTS of money on this thing, so someone in a position of authority had to put it on display. Right? You know that's how it went down.

So, what did they do? Probably held some fancy-schmancy ceremony where they unveiled it -- hopefully, after the gave out blindfolds to the attendees -- and then once all of the pomp and circumstance was over, they relocated it to an upstairs, out-of-the-way hallway. Not out-of-the-way as in inaccessible. The donor would have gotten mad then. No, they put it in a hallway leading to the Grand Tier level, on the left side, where it's likely to be darkened when you're headed to your seat, and looking on the other side through the doors for your row.

It's kind of brilliant and ridiculous. They spent all of that money to honor one of their most celebrated and seasoned conductors, then got *that thing* to show for it, so they stuck it in a hallway and tried to forget it like the nightmare it is.

No. I refuse to let them forget their cultural sin.

I could have carved a better likeness out of fried mashed potatoes. And I wouldn't have even charged them half of what they paid whoever did this. Why? Why did the sculptor make the subject look like he got an entire face-worth of Botox treatment? It boggles the mind. It boggles MY mind.

And, I mean it man, look at what the dude actually looked like and TELL ME the sculptor didn't do him dirty. Here. Judge for yoursef.